Plans

Well, we leave tomorrow for Washington. Carolyn and I will be there for a month. We're driving out, but trying to take it nice and slow so as not to overwhelm Carolyn, and not to make it another horrendous trip of pushing too hard.

It was a hard decision, but when you lose someone to cancer, or to anything really, your perspective changes. The questions with the most weight stopped being, "What about the money? What about the logisitcs?" and started being, "How can we spend the most time together?" I know that sounds cliche.

I kept hearing Mom's voice in my head saying, "It's only money. I've never seen a Brinks truck in a funeral procession." I kept hearing her tell my Aunt Dar to "Get your priorities straight, woman!"

Searching for places to live was kind of interesting. We've settled on a vacation rental in a town not far from the base. It looks really pretty. Everything is furnished, and it says it has a view of the water. It sounds like a good place to find a bit of rest.

I feel sort of guilty. Dad is helping us quite a bit financially, and this place looks really nice. He said Mom would want this, and that he wants it too. I feel like a spoiled only child.

But I also feel that maybe this is the 'break' that I've been hoping to catch. I feel like this is a time to recoup and regroup before focus shifts from the big C of cancer to the big D of deployment. I think this will give me time to greive. I don't think this is something that I 'deserve,' or a return of goodness for the difficulty I've been thorugh. Instead I feel it's a serindipitous gift that should be enjoyed and fully lived. I hope that's what it is anyway.

So... off we go.