Joy
It's a suprise to me, but the feeling I feel most strongly since Mom left us yesterday is joy.
My Mom is free now. She had her first good day in 9 months yesterday. She doesn't hurt any more. She isn't stuck in a body that can't keep up with her mind and spirit. Being by her side as she went through her final days as such an amazing blessing, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. The person who lay in the hopsital bed in her room those last few days seemed just a shell of the wonderful woman I knew as "Mom."
And yet... MOM was in there. That was what was excruciating. She was in there... Locked in a body that was non-responsive and suffering.
The look on Mom's face when I saw her after she passed yesterday morning was one of complete peace. I can only imagine that those first moments of heaven were full of such amazing joy and peace and release and relief for her. I can feel her smiling. I can feel her laughing. And it makes me want to laugh and smile too.
I grieve for what we will not have, and for the brilliant colors that left the world yesterday... But I am so very happy for my Mommy.
My Mom is free now. She had her first good day in 9 months yesterday. She doesn't hurt any more. She isn't stuck in a body that can't keep up with her mind and spirit. Being by her side as she went through her final days as such an amazing blessing, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. The person who lay in the hopsital bed in her room those last few days seemed just a shell of the wonderful woman I knew as "Mom."
And yet... MOM was in there. That was what was excruciating. She was in there... Locked in a body that was non-responsive and suffering.
The look on Mom's face when I saw her after she passed yesterday morning was one of complete peace. I can only imagine that those first moments of heaven were full of such amazing joy and peace and release and relief for her. I can feel her smiling. I can feel her laughing. And it makes me want to laugh and smile too.
I grieve for what we will not have, and for the brilliant colors that left the world yesterday... But I am so very happy for my Mommy.
posted by Val @ 7:58 PM
3 Comments:
At 11:29 AM,
Anonymous said…
I found you through another blog, and wanted to say you are on my heart... I pray for your comfort, peace and grieving of the loss of your Mom....
I read last night in the book Captivating, that "Grief is a form of validation; it says the wound mattered. It mattered. You mattered."
So... to you, your Mother's daughter, I pray for your mourning, and your grieving, and I also pray for the peace the Father is surrounding your heart with. I'm swept up in the joy you see in this, and the peace I know you feel... yet I also hug you amidst the tears that spill over your cheeks as you realize the scope of your loss, through the expanse of your Mom's gain.
At 4:11 PM,
Anonymous said…
We love you sister, and our little okie hearts are so with you. You have had quite a year.- filled with the strangest of blessings and trials.
I wanted you to know that we are thinking of you everyday.
I also wanted to point out that for the first time, the "bright" blog and the "dark" blog are running the same message- as if life has come full circle....
I am praying so hard for better days - uneventful days - ahead for you for at least a little while...i wish you some rest....
At 7:25 PM,
MacGirl said…
It's blue now
Talk to you soon I hope. Love you
Post a Comment
<< Home