Last Night Here...
*Warning... huge whine ahead*
It's my last night here... Our last night with Andy for six months, probably nine months, or even more. I can't figure out why the cards are stacked against us. What did we do wrong? Why does the pile only get bigger and bigger?
They have a stupid safety stand-down tonight. He was supposed to be home an hour and a half ago... He's not. I guess they all went on a break and no one has come back yet... He's trying to figure out where to go and what to do and when he's allowed to go home.
He got a room at the Navy Lodge here for us.. But the house is nowhere near clean despite all the work Jamie and I put in today. I know Andy has the rest of the week to get it done, but he has a lot of other stuff to do as well. I hope he gets it cancelled because we'll never get there in time, and I want to wake up in THIS HOUSE again tomorrow. I can't stand a new place tonight with all that is happening.
It's our last night. We have to leave at 8 in the morning tomorrow. I just want him to come home so we can eat dinner, and cuddle, and be together. He probably won't even get to see Carolyn awake today.
I don't want to leave tomorrow. I really don't. I don't want to be away from him for so long. I don't know how I'll do it. I'll essentially live the most difficult year of my life without him. No... No... I don't want to.
This is the first time I've really felt like saying, I can't do this. I'm not sure I can. I suppose the strength will come back sometime. Maybe I'll even be coping tomorrow as we navigate through the world of travelling as Mommy and lap-infant yet again. But right now... I just want to hold my husband for a little bit. And I can't. And I want to quit.
It's my last night here... Our last night with Andy for six months, probably nine months, or even more. I can't figure out why the cards are stacked against us. What did we do wrong? Why does the pile only get bigger and bigger?
They have a stupid safety stand-down tonight. He was supposed to be home an hour and a half ago... He's not. I guess they all went on a break and no one has come back yet... He's trying to figure out where to go and what to do and when he's allowed to go home.
He got a room at the Navy Lodge here for us.. But the house is nowhere near clean despite all the work Jamie and I put in today. I know Andy has the rest of the week to get it done, but he has a lot of other stuff to do as well. I hope he gets it cancelled because we'll never get there in time, and I want to wake up in THIS HOUSE again tomorrow. I can't stand a new place tonight with all that is happening.
It's our last night. We have to leave at 8 in the morning tomorrow. I just want him to come home so we can eat dinner, and cuddle, and be together. He probably won't even get to see Carolyn awake today.
I don't want to leave tomorrow. I really don't. I don't want to be away from him for so long. I don't know how I'll do it. I'll essentially live the most difficult year of my life without him. No... No... I don't want to.
This is the first time I've really felt like saying, I can't do this. I'm not sure I can. I suppose the strength will come back sometime. Maybe I'll even be coping tomorrow as we navigate through the world of travelling as Mommy and lap-infant yet again. But right now... I just want to hold my husband for a little bit. And I can't. And I want to quit.
posted by Val @ 8:26 PM
1 Comments:
At 9:16 PM,
Red said…
I have found that life is s eries of tests. you are faceing 2 very huge ones and I know you will get through both of them. i was once told you are never given something that you truly cant handle. You have your Andy with you always in your daughter. She, will give you all the strength you need.
Im thinking of you!
Red
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