The Right Choice

Well, I made the right choice. I'm confident in that now. Carolyn and I needed so badly to come back and be with Andy. We arrived on Monday and yesterday we took time to just be the three of us and it was just something critical that we all needed.

I keep tearing up when I see Carolyn and her Daddy together. She giggles for him like she giggles for no one else. She just loves him. She knew him the instant she saw him again and they were able to simply pick up where they left off.

I needed my husband as well. There is no one else in the world with whom I can more simply just BE with. I can allow him to support me and care for me and listen to the goods and the bads and know that he'll still love me in the morning. I can put all the brave fronts down and just cry and I can share with him the ways that I feel I'm changing in this crucible and know he understands.

Being together again we both see just what a tremendous amount of coping we do in our away times. We both just keep putting one foot in front of the other and somehow numb the feelings of aching for the other while still keeping our marriage and togetherness at the front of our minds. We immerse ourselves in the world of now, but never forget that we are still together. We choose not to feel some of the hurt and loneliness and do our best not to think of the other, and somehow at the same time we cannot experience a moment without somehow sharing it.

So I am here, and I know we will thoroughly enjoy being together.... and we will also work our butts off packing up this apartment and putting it into storage. I do hope it's doable in the time we have.

Carolyn and I will be back to be with my Mom and Dad soon. For now I am content and resting in the knowledge that here is where we need to be--as the three of us.