explanation

I should probably explain something.

It occurs to me that the posts here sound very 'down and dismal.' Perhaps, those who may float in here on their own would think I am a very 'down and dismal' person. I don't think I am though.

This is my place to talk about the hard stuff. I write in another blog about the more palatable portions of my life. Oddly that's the one I send people who 'know me in real life' to. I've not talked about LC stuff there as much because at one time, my folks read there a lot and they know lots of people we know do as well. I thought Mom wouldn't feel so 'on display' if I wrote in a more anonymous venue.

So... this has become my dumping ground. I have slowly tried to write a bit more transparently in the other blog, but I haven't integrated the 'lighter side' of things here as much as I should.

So let me say... While it is true that at the moment I am struggling with the difficulties inherent with my mother being sick, and my husband being away, I am also relishing in the joy of my precious baby girl. She is so beautiful, and when she smiles.... Well suddenly I know I can keep pressing on, and keep choosing life.

I am... amazingly content in the now. I'm not sure if it is denial, or my attempts to just be ok or what. But... I haven't gotten stuck in down-hearted too often. I worry sometimes that I'm not feeling things like I should, but at the same time I don't feel as if I have skirted away from the reality of things.

I miss my husband, and I anticipate that ache to grow a bit and be stronger some days than others, but I'm secure in his love. The hardest part of being away from him right now is knowing how much he wants to be wiht us--especially our precious baby girl.

So... forgive my dumpiness, and thank you to those of you who plow through anyway. I will try to post more about the joys of life at present here.

Like... my first taste of Steak-n-Shake in months yesterday... Vanilla Coke... Ooooo!