New Way to be Human

Nov. 18 2004, my Mom was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer. I started this blog to chronicle her journey. July 19, 2005 she gave her life in the battle. This blog is my place to process through the journey I walked along with her, and now my journey through grief. It's also a place to discuss the effects cancer has on the lives it touches--survivors and caregivers alike. I'm a Navy wife, a Mom, and my mother's daughter now and forever.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

So Hard...

I'm feeling really down today. Mom has been feeling really down as well. I'm afraid that she is losing her resolve to fight the beast. I can't blame her... She just wants a few good days, and some good news. Last night, she was whimpering as she was getting ready for bed. I went in and tucked her in, and she was crying. Dad is having a hard time, and so he is short with her, and she was feeling really hurt about that, and I think that is as corrosive to her as anything right now.

She's turned into my Grandmother... She's said it a couple of times, but I'm starting to see it. She walks the same frail walk that my Grandmother did when she was getting weaker... hunched over, clutching at her nightgown, struggling for the breath to keep going.

I'm so angry today that this is hurting her so badly... and that my mother has gotten so old at such a young age.

This is just so hard.

posted by Val @ 1:46 PM  

3 Comments:

  • At 2:19 PM, Blogger Bleach The infamous strawberry said…

    Dont worry tomorrow often turns out to bea lucky day;What's your mama's problem by the way?

     

  • At 2:33 PM, Blogger LARRY said…

    Cancer is a hard thing to stand by and watch a loved one battle with it. My mother battled gastric cancer off and on for 2 years until she finally passed away.

    I understand your anger and frustration. All I can say is try to cherish all these last moments with your mother because these will be one of your lasting memories of your mother.

    If anything, I recommend Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley.

     

  • At 5:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    no doubt this may only get harder... when you feel like you have lost all your strength, you can know you won't fall because you have so many people behind you and around you for support, so lean on them when you have no strength of your own, and hug your baby.
    you're in my prayers

     

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