Tomorrow
We will find out what track the doctor wants to take with Mom's treatment tomorrow. I'm anxious to find out where we're headed next.
I think the thing that is hardest right now is that Mom just sounds so depressed. She's frusterated that she just can't seem to have good days. I'm so sick... I actually get jealous of other cancer patients who ARE able to have good days... *sigh* This disease messes with you in funny ways.
I wish she didn't sound so hopeless. Today she was talking about the things they are getting to prepare for Carolyn to be there. When I was protesting that they were doing too much she said, "You're Dad is hoping to do this a few times over." And I said, "I hope you are hoping to as well." She started crying and said that she does... but it just sounds like she assumes that she won't.
And maybe that's reality. Maybe I am just whistling in the dark... But I can't let go of hope that we can beat this stuff yet. I just can't.
Well... if you read this, pray for my Mama.
I think the thing that is hardest right now is that Mom just sounds so depressed. She's frusterated that she just can't seem to have good days. I'm so sick... I actually get jealous of other cancer patients who ARE able to have good days... *sigh* This disease messes with you in funny ways.
I wish she didn't sound so hopeless. Today she was talking about the things they are getting to prepare for Carolyn to be there. When I was protesting that they were doing too much she said, "You're Dad is hoping to do this a few times over." And I said, "I hope you are hoping to as well." She started crying and said that she does... but it just sounds like she assumes that she won't.
And maybe that's reality. Maybe I am just whistling in the dark... But I can't let go of hope that we can beat this stuff yet. I just can't.
Well... if you read this, pray for my Mama.
posted by Val @ 9:24 PM
3 Comments:
At 1:27 PM,
Anonymous said…
You all are in my prayers.
At 6:01 AM,
Red said…
Its ok to feel hope! She needs you to be strong and to believe that there is a way out of this. Its hard to fight alone so the more you feel that there is hope the more she has energy for is to fight.
At 10:28 AM,
Anonymous said…
Prayers for sure. It does mess with you. The strange things you think and long for - I know exactly what you mean. Val, you are doing great - I hope you remember that.
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