I want my mom...
We went to bed really early here last night. Andy's schedule has been brutal enough that this week has been a very, "Hate the Navy" week, and I may not be working 14 hour days like him... but carrying this little girl is sapping a lot of my energy and oomph.
Anyway, we were laying there and I groggily started thinking about labor and delivery... and Mom... I took it for granted that my mom would be there when my baby was born. Even through the pregnancy. We had plans made before the 'C' word was uttered. Even with the distance between us, they were going to fly out and be here as soon as they could whether that was for part of the labor, or immediately after.
I'm really lucky. It looks like Andy will be here when she is born as long as she is not too late. And I will have two doulas there to support me. But I want my mom. I want to be able to look in her eyes and see her remembering when I was born. I want to hold her hand. I want the comfort and reassurance that only Mom's can bring. I want her to tell me I can do this when I am ready to give up. I want my Mom!
The baby and her will have time together when I head out to be with them. But I'll never get that birth that I always pictured without knowing it... with my Mom by my side or in the waiting room... With her help in the days after. My mom has this way of dispensing help and wisdom like no one else does. And I want that.
Even now, I want to call her for reassurance about things... and talk about pregnant stuff with her, and ask her questions, and be scared, and just... talk to my Mom. On the rare day she's up to talking on the phone, we don't get there.
I just miss my mom.
I know that whether this is how I pictured things happening or not, this is how they are. And I will choose to be joyful in them. I will know that mom and dad are pulling for me even if they aren't there in person. And I will share this experience with them despite the distance. I will be grateful for having my husband near, when a lot of women married to sailors and soldiers aren't able to have that right now. But I know... there is going to be this part of me that will just be missing her. I will honor that part though, and hopefully it will be part of the beauty.
Anyway, we were laying there and I groggily started thinking about labor and delivery... and Mom... I took it for granted that my mom would be there when my baby was born. Even through the pregnancy. We had plans made before the 'C' word was uttered. Even with the distance between us, they were going to fly out and be here as soon as they could whether that was for part of the labor, or immediately after.
I'm really lucky. It looks like Andy will be here when she is born as long as she is not too late. And I will have two doulas there to support me. But I want my mom. I want to be able to look in her eyes and see her remembering when I was born. I want to hold her hand. I want the comfort and reassurance that only Mom's can bring. I want her to tell me I can do this when I am ready to give up. I want my Mom!
The baby and her will have time together when I head out to be with them. But I'll never get that birth that I always pictured without knowing it... with my Mom by my side or in the waiting room... With her help in the days after. My mom has this way of dispensing help and wisdom like no one else does. And I want that.
Even now, I want to call her for reassurance about things... and talk about pregnant stuff with her, and ask her questions, and be scared, and just... talk to my Mom. On the rare day she's up to talking on the phone, we don't get there.
I just miss my mom.
I know that whether this is how I pictured things happening or not, this is how they are. And I will choose to be joyful in them. I will know that mom and dad are pulling for me even if they aren't there in person. And I will share this experience with them despite the distance. I will be grateful for having my husband near, when a lot of women married to sailors and soldiers aren't able to have that right now. But I know... there is going to be this part of me that will just be missing her. I will honor that part though, and hopefully it will be part of the beauty.
posted by Val @ 10:56 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home