*OUCH*+ Crazy Emotions

I've been worrying about post-partum depression lately. With only a couple weeks til little girl gets here, things are getting more real. We're trying to get ready when we're not being screwed over by the Navy, I/we have energy, and I/we don't feel like crap... Also it helps if husband is awake. Those things don't all happen at once very often it seems.

So anyway... Worrying about post-partum stuff in general. Husband will take off a week or two after baby gets here *IF* she gets here on time. Otherwise... Tough noogies, he's on a boat. With my support system being ripped out from underneath me like a rug on a linoleum floor, I worry that... I will spiral down from baby blues to just being overwhelmed with sad. It is hard when my husband leaves even if it's only for a month... Especially when that month is at the beginning of a year of my not even living in the same state as he does when he's on land... And "When he's on land" is a very limited amound of time.

A lot of people in my situation (i.e. having a baby) might not have to worry as much because their parents or other family members would be there to support them. No such luck. The trip from the bedroom to the living room is enough to make my mom need a nap. She's not going to be able to make it out here. The toughest thing about this is that a lot of well-meaning but generally clueless people don't think of this. They say, "Oh, if things get overwhelming, that's what the Grandma's are for." And in most cases, they'd be right. But MY MOM can't come, and Andy's will be headed off to Hawaii... So that leaves Me, Me, and ME... to cope with the overwhelmingness of new baby, moving, and husband leaving all at once. When people say things like that, or say, "Your mom will be there, right?" or whatever... I have to try really hard to remember that they are clueless and mean well. Because really, when I hear those things, it just hurts like hell. I wish my mom COULD be here. I wish she could see her grand-daughter when she's still fresh from God. I wish she could hold my hand, and help me with laundry, and hold the baby too much. But she can't right now... because she's 2000 miles away fighting for her life.

It's another one of the kind of day where I want to SCREAM--"Things aren't normal!!!!" Other people deal with new babies coming, and they get overwhelmed. Other people deal with husbands leaving, and they get overwhelmed. I get to do both of those things, move, and know that my mom is really, really sick all at the same time. If that's normal and "nothing to worry about," then I quit!

Really, I am generally more even-keel about things. Things will work out one way or another. I might have to ask for help from people I don't know very well... or just really muddle through all by myself at times, but we'll make it. Today is just one of those days where, due to pregnancy or the general craziness of life in general right now, my emotions are just pumped up to the Nth degree. Sucks... but I'll live.

Now, I guess I should get a shower, wake my sleeping husband up... and go do the stuff that needs done today. I miss my cave in Zimbabwe. I really, really do.