Feeling Blessed and Sad

Daddy wrote me a letter that I received today trying to pass on wisdom for us as we begin the journey of parenthood. It made me cry, and I sit here just feeling SO BLESSED at the parents I have, and so sad for the changes LC has already brought to our family.

My folks are the type... who, no matter how far away I am, if something is important to me, they'll be there. I'm so lucky that way. They helped me through my first separation from my husband when he went to boot camp (was living in same town as them at the time). They helped me with my homework in school. They made every extra-curricular event that I had in school, and they just had to come visit at college every couple of months because they wanted to see me. I'm so lucky. I know that if circumstances were different, I could count on them coming to visit us wherever we were... even at duty stations in other countries, and even as far away as we are now... Just because they'd want to be with us. (Husband is in the Navy btw)

I know that they desperately, desperately want to be here when the baby is born... That they want to hold her when she is still 'fresh from God.' That they want to hold my hand through the contractions, and if my husband isn't able to be here during the birth or has to leave soon after, that they want to be the ones to help me through the first days of 'new mommyhood.' And I hate that they can't.

I hate that when I think of a recipe mom always made SOO well I can't just pick up the phone and call for her help with it because I know she might be sleeping or having a day when just talking on the phone takes sooo much energy.

I hate that they can't decide to go to the riverboat and have a good time with friends just on a whim... that's too far to travel and mom rarely feels up to it.

I believe Mom is going to have some better days. I really, really do. But it just seems like the cancer has taken so much from her already and it makes me mad and sad.

And all this makes me grateful too for what I get to do this year... It will be hard to leave my husband while he is still on land to go and be near my folks after the baby gets here... but it's MY TURN to do the rearranging and to say YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT that I'm HERE. I'm so lucky and blessed to be able to do that. I thank God for the opportunity.