Regarding Smoking

The topic of smoking has become even more touchy to me lately. Right now my biggest pet peeve in the world (and this is an understatement) is when people find out my mom has lung cancer... or are talking to me about her lung cancer and their first question is... "Did she smoke?" or if they know her, "Is she still smoking?" What the fuck does it matter if she smokes or if she is still smoking? She has CANCER. Nobody DESERVES CANCER!!!! Nobody ASKS FOR IT!!!! And we all make stupid choices that could lead to our own downfall... So WHY does that have to be the first (or even second or third or fifteenth) thing out of people's mouths?!

Ok... small rant finished.

My mom and dad have been smokers for as long as I can remember. Apparently, I was a very militant three year old and convinced them at about that time that they shouldn't smoke anymore, and they quit! But then... a few years later when I was in about 2nd grade, I found out that they were smoking again (on the sly). My militant nature wasn't gone yet... I can remember trying all kinds of things to get them to stop when I was younger. And when I became a teenager and got into the "Christian scene" I'm sure I pretty much sucked at hiding my disdain about their decision to continue smoking. *Wishes she could go back and smack that disdainful little Pharisee known as me*

My friends were no help. They would see people smoking and talk about how stupid people who smoked were... How could they not know what they were doing to their bodies and how could they continue doing that? And furthermore how could they be so rude as to smoke around other people--especially perfect little them?? So... people stopped coming to my house, because I was embarassed. Can remember a couple of times in college when my folks would take my friends and I out to eat somewhere when they would come visit and someone would inevitably make a comment about the smokiness and I would want to come unglued.

Slowly... partly through learning from the lives of people on a message board I'm active on, it dawned on me that my condemnation of my parents was... uncalled for, extremely hurtful, unmerciful, and in all other ways just plain wrong. Wish I would have learned that sooner.

In the last 6 years or so, both of my parents have tried to quit smoking probably... 5 or 10 different times. Then we got this dreaded news that mom has Stage IV lung cancer. I want to tell you that she doesn't smoke anymore, and neither does my dad... But gosh darn it they are going through THE MOST STRESSFUL, EMOTIONAL, DIFFICULT struggle that they've ever been through... and habit says reach for that pack.

I know that I can't make my parents stop smoking. Hell, Lung Cancer can't even make them stop. It doesn't make them any less wonderful parents or people. (I couldn't ask for better, and I wish I could yell that at people being disdainful of smokers who have small children). If I am going to support them in this it is going to be through celebration of when the struggle against smoking is going well... and frankly, silence and acceptance when it's not. I believe both of my parents will kick this habit, and I believe they're both on the verge of doing so... but it can't be from anything I've done. All I can do is LOVE them with or without a cigarette in their mouth. And, that's what I choose to do.