Alimta
Not feeling so scared today. I think it's because we again have a 'plan.' The doctor says Alimta should be Mom's next drug of choice. I was glad to hear that because it's one that I've heard of. I was even gladder when I did a search about it on the LC Message Board I'm a part of and saw that several people were having lots of success with it. It also appears as though there are fewer side effects with for most folks. Here's hoping Mom joins their ranks.
I feel so torn aboug going out there. On the one hand I'm ready to be there and feel like I'm doing something to help. I don't want to feel anxious about not being there anymore. And I can't wait to see how Mom and Dad will receive their grand daughter.
But at the same time, the 'countdown' to heading back is also the countdown to being away from Andy. I don't want that. The first shot will only be a month, but I think that the coming together after that in June (when we'll get to pack up our apartment and put it in storage... woohoo) will be our last for quite a while. I just ache at the thought of all that will happen in little Carolyn's life without Daddy to see.
So I want time to go fast and slow all at once.
Once I'm back to 'first home' I'm anxious about things too. Mom wants me to live WITH them. I'd so much rather get an apartment there. I want to not have to feel guilty every time the baby wakes up at 3 a.m, or I want to have visitors. I will need my space. I'm an adult who is very used to being out of the nest. The first month, I'll stick to the plan of staying with the folks but if I feel things need to be rethought after that point, boy am I going to have to be firm.
Anyway... I'm rambling now.
It's Alimta for Mom. She starts next week, and I'm hoping that this is THE THING for her.
I feel so torn aboug going out there. On the one hand I'm ready to be there and feel like I'm doing something to help. I don't want to feel anxious about not being there anymore. And I can't wait to see how Mom and Dad will receive their grand daughter.
But at the same time, the 'countdown' to heading back is also the countdown to being away from Andy. I don't want that. The first shot will only be a month, but I think that the coming together after that in June (when we'll get to pack up our apartment and put it in storage... woohoo) will be our last for quite a while. I just ache at the thought of all that will happen in little Carolyn's life without Daddy to see.
So I want time to go fast and slow all at once.
Once I'm back to 'first home' I'm anxious about things too. Mom wants me to live WITH them. I'd so much rather get an apartment there. I want to not have to feel guilty every time the baby wakes up at 3 a.m, or I want to have visitors. I will need my space. I'm an adult who is very used to being out of the nest. The first month, I'll stick to the plan of staying with the folks but if I feel things need to be rethought after that point, boy am I going to have to be firm.
Anyway... I'm rambling now.
It's Alimta for Mom. She starts next week, and I'm hoping that this is THE THING for her.
posted by Val @ 5:30 PM
1 Comments:
At 5:58 AM,
Red said…
I agree that ou should get your own place. I think staying with her at first will help you settle into the area and not have much to worry about at first. But getting your own place/space is important for you, carolyn and your parents.
Helping your mom and dad get through thee beast they are figting is very difficult, but you need a place where you can remove yourself from it and be alone with your baby and have your own 'life'. You may be spending most of your time at your parents, but you will have your own retreat. You need it for your mental health and your baby will be better for it!
Be firm! Im here for you!
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