Mostly though, I think my feeling is--can't something just GO RIGHT? It just doesn't seem fair.
At my doctor's appointment today I found out that basically NOTHING is happening. I had 2 contractions during the non-stress test... I haven't had any strong ones at all. I had some ouch twingey ones last night... but very few and even those were pretty pathetic. And the baby is VERY posterior.
If nothing is happening by Wednesday they will start taking actions to make my cervix more favorable... Wednesday is 10 days before Andy leaves...
I just... want this baby here... Want her to have time with her dad... Want to quit worrying and wondering and feeling like nothing is happening. I want something JOYFUL to happen without anything but the normal difficulties to make it get here (I know labor will be no picnic). As far as I'm concerned, IT'S TIME BABY!!!
But... the baby... or God... or somebody has other plans. I just hope that somehow or another, I'll be able to look back and see the joy and not the pain and anxiety. The wounds of everything going on right now just hurt extra badly this week as... This joyful occasion seems to just be stuck.
And I worry something worse will happen... after all, it seems like only bad things are capable of happening right now.
You see? A pity party day...
Hopefully some ice cream, a bubble bath (and if my husband is really nice) a back rub will relax me back into some semblance of perspective. Or maybe I'll find my way back on my own. All I know is I WANT MY BABY!