Weary
I'm so tired. I'm tired in ways I don't remember being tired before.
I can't put together anything cohesive about the last week and a half except that essentially it's just sucked. Today was an ok day. Yesterday was an ok day. But things here have been hard.
The doctor's were right and Grandpa is gone. Andy couldn't come home. There were multiple crises and fiascos. I've covered another 1200 miles on the road with my daughter (luckily I didn't have to drive for most of it--God bless my sister-in-law and her family). And we were gone and in limbo for over a week. I missed being with my Dad when I felt we really needed to be together.
It's my first Chistmas without Mom or Gramma. My husband is on the other side of the world. Life just seems so.... wrong right now.
The light in the darkness that we celebrate at Christmas is still shining. Little slivers of light can't help but shimmer through to me. They buoy me and give me hope.
But even so, I am weary.
I can't put together anything cohesive about the last week and a half except that essentially it's just sucked. Today was an ok day. Yesterday was an ok day. But things here have been hard.
The doctor's were right and Grandpa is gone. Andy couldn't come home. There were multiple crises and fiascos. I've covered another 1200 miles on the road with my daughter (luckily I didn't have to drive for most of it--God bless my sister-in-law and her family). And we were gone and in limbo for over a week. I missed being with my Dad when I felt we really needed to be together.
It's my first Chistmas without Mom or Gramma. My husband is on the other side of the world. Life just seems so.... wrong right now.
The light in the darkness that we celebrate at Christmas is still shining. Little slivers of light can't help but shimmer through to me. They buoy me and give me hope.
But even so, I am weary.
posted by Val @ 7:33 PM
5 Comments:
At 2:30 PM,
tmcroat said…
(((Val)))
At 4:15 PM,
Minerva said…
I have just read the last three posts and jeez...no WONDER you are tired GIRL!! I remember someone saying to me that when stuff like this hits you, there are two ways of dealing with it... going off the deep end or dealing with it.. and by feeling tired, you are dealing with it.. This is how emotional stuff hits, by hitting you physically...
Like you, I feel that whatever turns up next on my doorstep is too much and then I remember, I remember that self-pity just makes me feel worse, and is, ultimately the worst part of the whole process... You WILL get through this - yes, it is **** that it has to happen to you, but you WILL get through it.. and despite your husband being so far away remember you are still together, you are much loved, and you are needed...
I hope this does, in some parallel universe, make sense..and just to leave you, I am thinking of you and so wish I could just fly over with a cup of tea and at least 5 packets of chocolate biscuits..but I can't...
Huge hugs...
Minerva
At 6:43 PM,
gingrpchy said…
I want so much to say something to make you feel better or if nothing else just be there to support you. But all my words feel useless and I have no way to touch you physically. Just know we're sending you love and encouragement and strength.
At 8:21 PM,
Anonymous said…
I watch my daughter play "Sims", and I think, wouldn't it be nice to press a button and have our "energy" or "mood" points go up! But alas, we have to live through whatever is thrown our way in this very real world, and I think you're doing an amazing job of it! Going through it all while meeting your daily obligations alone, no one can possibly know the toll this takes.
I'm thinking and praying for you Val.
Wishing you peace and love,
Karyn
At 5:49 AM,
amanda said…
val,
you have had a hell of a run...i am sending hugs your way.
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