New Way to be Human

Nov. 18 2004, my Mom was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer. I started this blog to chronicle her journey. July 19, 2005 she gave her life in the battle. This blog is my place to process through the journey I walked along with her, and now my journey through grief. It's also a place to discuss the effects cancer has on the lives it touches--survivors and caregivers alike. I'm a Navy wife, a Mom, and my mother's daughter now and forever.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Declaration

~~A Declaration of Today~~

I am not ok.

I don't want to be ok right now.

My Mom died. My husband is floating around in the ocean. I just got done travelling over 2000 miles with an infant.... Twice. I'm adjusting to new living arrangements.... Again.

And on top of that, I'm having a bit of a 'who am I and why am I here to take up space on this earth' phase as I seek to answer the question of 'what direction do I go now?'

So... I might cry at the drop of a hat right now.

I might seem distant or dazed.

I might not laugh as much as I usually do.

My temper may be aroused more quickly.

In fact....

I may just mope around and quit lying to people when they ask me how I'm doing.

I might just answer, 'excrementally, and you?'

If that's not ok, frankly, I don't know what to tell you because I claim my un-okness and give myself permission to be in it right now.

~~End of Declaration~~

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