New Way to be Human

Nov. 18 2004, my Mom was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer. I started this blog to chronicle her journey. July 19, 2005 she gave her life in the battle. This blog is my place to process through the journey I walked along with her, and now my journey through grief. It's also a place to discuss the effects cancer has on the lives it touches--survivors and caregivers alike. I'm a Navy wife, a Mom, and my mother's daughter now and forever.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Tissues

Would you think I was crazy if I told you that it was a really big deal to me that someone offered me a box of tissues, today?

I visited a pastor this afternoon-- One that I don't know very well, which made it more and less scary simultaneously.

And, to my suprise, I cried a lot during this little visit.

During one of these crying spells, I looked up to see the box of kleenex that had been sitting on pastor-guy's desk held out to me. I'm really terrible, because my first thought was, "That's so cheesy... Yeah, like holding out tissues is going to make me feel any better."

My second thought was, "I could so totally have gotten my own tissue. I'm independent. I've been doing all sorts of stuff all by myself for quite a while now."

And then I thought, "But isn't the point of my being here that I don't have to be doing this incredibly overwhelming feeling and grieving stuff by myself if only for a few moments?"

So I took the tissue.

It's been a while since there's been a real, live, warm, breathing person in the room while I'm processing through this stuff. Andy is usually my tissue-offerer (though frequently, I just use his shirt. ahhh, love), but he can't be right now.

It just felt good to have this tiny, little tangible symbol of support.

My nose felt better too.

3 Comments:

  • At 3:16 PM, Blogger Unknown said…

    I'm glad you felt supported (and I never thought about how it might seem when I hold out the box of tissues!).

     
  • At 6:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I once held out a tissue for a woman who was crying in front of a large group of people, and later got in "trouble" with the organizers of the event. Apparently, in their eyes, handing somone a tissue says "Don't cry. It's not okay."
    Pish posh
    I don't think that was my intention at all. I think my intention was "Okay, honey, let it all out, just don't let it drip down your lip." Oh well. sometimes you never win! lol!

     
  • At 7:54 PM, Blogger amanda said…

    i'm glad that you found someone who can be a listening ear while you process everything that happened. take care.

     

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